Hi, I’m Nichole

For many years, I lived inside the structure of Jehovah’s Witnesses, following the rules, checking the boxes, and doing everything I was “supposed” to do.

At the time, it felt normal. It felt like this was what I needed to do for Jehovah to love me and to help my family make it to paradise.

The shift didn’t come slowly for me.

It started when I was in the hospital and nearly needed a blood transfusion. I had just gone through something where I could have died, and the support I thought would be there wasn’t. I left that experience feeling worthless and undervalued, like those 27 years of faithful service meant nothing.

That’s when I started asking questions. I began doing my own research. Conversations with my kids led me to things I had never allowed myself to look at before, including the CSA cases.

And that was it for me.

I stopped donating. I started listening to a podcast that began deconstructing everything I had believed, which I was not expecting.

I cried. I screamed. I felt sad, hurt, and deeply disappointed as I came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t true, that the paradise earth isn’t real.

Underneath all of that was grief. Grief for what I had believed my whole adult life. Grief for what I taught my children. Grief for what I thought my family’s future would be, and grief for what this could mean for my relationships.

Because I knew what this decision could cost me. I knew I was risking relationships with friends and family. I knew how leaving, and especially speaking about it, would be seen.

Ultimately, I made the decision to write a letter of disassociation.

And now, doing this work, speaking openly and supporting others through this process, I’m fully aware of how it’s labeled in that world.

I know what it means. But I also know this:

I can’t not help people who are going through what I went through.

Rebuilding after that kind of shift takes time, support, and a safe space to process it all. After everything unraveled, I knew I couldn’t just walk away, I had to rebuild.

That’s what led me into personal development and leadership training, where I began learning how to think for myself, trust my own voice, and create a life that actually felt like mine.